Relationship

Painbody

The painbody is our unobserved minds running our lives, our unconscious resistance to what is.

On the level of thought, it is judgement, on the emotional level, it is negativity.

Our accumulated emotional pain (pain from the past) that occupies our bodies and minds is our painbody.

It shows up as resentment, hatred, self-pity, guilt, anger, aggression, depression, pride, jealousy, our need for argument, drama, conflict, problems and enemies.

Anything can trigger the painbody, particularly, if it resonates with the pain pattern from your past.

A sign of unhappiness is the awakening painbody (irritation, impatience, desire to hurt yourself or others, gloomy mood).

The painbody wants to survive and it can only survive if it gets you to unconsciously identify with it. It survives through our unconscious fear of facing our pain.

The moment you observe the painbody, feel its energy-field within you and take your attention into it, the identification is broken. Watching is enough. Focus attention on the feeling inside you. Know it is painbody. Drop your thinking.

The painbody feeds on pain and drama. Once the painbody has taken over, you want more pain. You become victim or perpetrator.

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What to do?

We all have a silent, but powerful sense of presence (a deeper self) that is calm, natural and relaxed. Whenever we are able to observe our minds, we are no longer trapped in it and can access our deeper self.

Practice

  1. Listen to the voice in your head, your repetitive thought patterns.
  2. Become intently conscious of the present moment

a) By taking a routine activity and give it your fullest attention

b) By observing your flow of breath (feel the air flowing in and out of your body).

  1. Feel your emotions: Focus your attention within. Feel the energy of the emotion. Feel your body from within. Body awareness keeps us present and anchors us in the now. The mind is reflected in the body as emotion. “What is going on inside of me at this moment?” Just watch, don’t analyse.
  2. Use your senses fully. See light, shapes, colours, textures. Listen to the sounds. Touch something.
  3. Watch for any kind of defensiveness within. What are you defending?

Narrow your life down to this moment. “What is wrong with this moment?”

  1. Distinguish life situation and life force. When you are full of problems, there is no room for anything new to enter. Create space by using your senses fully.
  2. Ask yourself: “Is there joy, ease and lightness in what I am doing? Am I at ease at that moment?”

Relationship as a spiritual practice

Accept that your relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy. When it is not working, be glad. What is unconscious is being brought to the light. Give space to each other. Express thoughts and feelings as soon as they occur without blaming. Stop accusing, defending, attacking.

Stop judging yourself, then you stop judging your partner. There is no need to change or judge our partner in any way. “This is also the end of all co-dependency, of being drawn into somebody else’s unconscious pattern and thereby enabling it to continue.” (Tolle, Practicing the Power of Now, p.91) You will then either separate or move more deeply into the present. Love is a state of being.

Mirjam Busch

Copyright © 7/2009 by Rumijabu | Originally published in “Partners in Dialogue” July 2009

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