In our times of uncertainty and change, it becomes more and more the exception than the rule that couples stay together. Here we want to share a few points that have helped us to stay together in an interdependent connected way. What nourishes our relationship?
Initially, we made a commitment to a healing relationship, to love and accept who we essentially are. We share the responsibility for healing, exploring together what closes our hearts and how each of us contributes to a conflict.
We work together. This includes, thinking and acting collectively, mutually and cooperatively. We learn with and from each other.
We enjoy doing something of value to others and feeling that we are contributing to make the world a better place.
We balance time together, time apart, work and play, routine and creativity.
What also bonds us is shared interests, like the natural world. We both enjoy gardening and walking in nature. This feeds our soul and provides a shared activity beside work.
We take an interest in each other. We create time every day where we stop, look at each other and explore what is important to each of us. In that, we share our own unique worlds with each other, accepting and valuing our differences and genuinely care about our own and each other’s well-being.
We read inspiring books together, share rituals, meditation and contemplative times. This feeds our spiritual connection.
Shared holidays, projects and meal times provide rhythm, meaning and continuity in our lives.
We spend time separately and together with friends. The company of our own gender and the company of other couples who make their relationship work is inspirational. When in need, we reach out for support.
We have the willingness to forgive each other, giving each other opportunities to make up when we have hurt each other out of ignorance, frustration, hate or fear. We discovered that we provide triggers for each other, and are not the cause of our pain. We learn to examine with mercy and compassion internal messages, emotions and reactions.
We support each other through personal crises and help each other find meaning within them.
We also can fight; usually it is short and intense and is motivated by the need to connect. We can laugh together at the idiosyncrasies of our lives. We can cry with each other and be vulnerable.
We live our sexuality as an expression of our love and need for connection. It means, taking our time being intimate and being sensual with each other.
We express our appreciation, don’t take each other for granted and value the gift that we are in each other’s life, as source of happiness and as challenge. We trust that all difficulties provide opportunities for growth.
We focus on virtues, acknowledge or request those. We let each other know what we do want.
We take care of our bodies, eat organic food, exercise, and enjoy fresh air.
We support each other’s development, our ability to become more loving, to mature and to grow.
Mirjam Busch & Rudolf Jarosewitsch
Copyright © 1/2005 by Rumijabu | Originally published in “Partners in Dialogue” January 2005