Conscious Living

The Breakdown of Patriarchy

There are those moments where we feel thrown out of balance in a meeting with another, – drawn into an inner alchemical process, where we attempt to understand, grasp, make sense of something that is in shaping. Our minds run wild with ideas and concepts, in attempt to escape the discomfort that comes with not knowing. This is the fertile bed where we conceive theories, sort data and make links. We are somehow driven by the need to know. I stand on the ledge now – the birth of (k)nowledge. So what do I see?

The breakdown of Patriarchy

Patriarchy, – a world where the feminine, all that is life-enhancing, nurturing, creative, unpredictable and changeable is devalued – , is being challenged in all of us. We have internalised patriarchy and learned to undermine our personal strength and those of others. We have learned to rule our inner lives through division, – separating our lives in needs that are acceptable and needs that are not. We have argued the validity of our own and each others’ needs, then controlled them in an attempt to conquer them. Patriarchy’s motto realised: divide and rule, giving us a false sense of power. We have ranked ourselves and each other, by comparing, judging and competing, and lost trust and faith in our abilities.

Patriarchy’s ranking has overshadowed our need for linking. We wonder: what are our shared values and where is the world heading? Where do I belong and what is my contribution?

Values are about valuing ourselves and each other’s contributions. In that climate a general well-being is cultivated, where courage, strength and creativity can flourish. We all have a natural need to contribute. We only lose this ability when we lose our sense of value. By encouraging and supporting each other’s value we evoke contribution and with it community. Viewing difference as a threat isolates us from our own courage to speak out and/or drives us into scrutinising our own and each other’s contributions.

Too many emotional, physical and spiritual resources have been wasted in the name of patriarchy and faced with the consequences we are waking up to reconsider our value as a human race.

When we have the potential to hurt each other, we have the same potential to love and support each other. This is the age of healing with one-another.

Men are learning: being non-abusive is not being meek.

Women are learning: being strong is not being unfeminine. Patriarchy is losing its stronghold.

In partnership we are learning:

  • that we both are wounded;
  • that suffering is a call to wake up to ourselves from our own inner set-ups and trappings;
  • that my truth serves your truth;
  • that healing comes with awareness and a willingness to face our shadow;
  • that receiving is as important as giving;
  • that allowing difference awakens mystery and respect;
  • that all our actions are love or a call for love;
  • that true love requires great daring;
  • that love inspires us to grow and pushes us to confront whatever stands in the way of that;
  • that love brings out our defenses and our potential;
  • that mutual support is vital for survival;
  • that understanding is more important than being right.

We are learning how to respond to our own and each other’s feelings and needs with compassion and courage. What we focus on becomes bigger. We have a choice to focus on love or on fear. This is our first chance since a very long time in human kind where we can kiss each other awake, – an opportunity and a challenge for all of us.

Mirjam Busch


Copyright (c) 12/1998 by Rumijabu | Originally published in Integrative Dialogue #9, Dec1998

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