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Life Change

The following are my facebook entries over the period of Mirjam’s death and the following weeks

What makes this time a hard time is that my beloved wife, Mirjam, is very ill at the moment. Her breast cancer that was diagnosed in September last year has now spread into her spine, liver and lungs. The decline happened very fast, despite black salve and vitamin C treatment. She has taken a big array of supplements and been to see an integrative doctor, osteopath, homeopath, naturopath, etc. In the same way, as it can move down in one way, it can also go up. That’s where our focus is at the moment, to find a way of turning it around. Please send us your prayers, good energies and supportive ideas. We need a miracle. Please help. 6 August

Thank you all for your loving thoughts and suggestions. It is not an easy time here in our hidden valley. Mirjam’s sister Anne is here and her daughter Kira. It would be too hard for me to care for her on my own, although there is some help from the district nurse and our doctor.
What is the learning for me? Soul development?
Accepting what is is not easy. Wanting to change it feels at times desperate. Even though, we are considering any option and still open for a miracle to happen.
A week ago, when I drove to pick up Kira, I saw a bright shooting star, an opportunity for a wish.
“I connect with the Creator, the source of all healing. I am ready to make the changes in my life that will allow me to accept my best possible healing outcome. I consciously remove any negative or fearful thought patterns or memories. I enable my imagination to activate to see myself as fully healed, at peace and emotionally secure. This is healing to the Creator’s standard now available for me and I feel the stirring of gratitude already active.” (Ken.healer) 13 August

These are very stressful times. Currently, I have some time out, staying at my friend’s in Thames, while Mirjam is well looked after by her sister Anne and daughter Kira. Please keep praying for us. It is a miracle that we need. 16 August

Mirjam is in Waikato hospital, where she can get the best conventional medical attention in our area.
Grief hits me, especially in small seemingly insignificant situations, like when I sit on the deck with my breakfast and remember all the times we did it together, or when I go for a walk where we used to walk together.
Please don’t take those situations for granted. Appreciate also the small, seemingly insignificant things and each other while you live and are healthy. 17 August

Grief struck!

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Beloved Mirjam has peacefully passed into the spiritual world, today 22 August at 11am.

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Thank you to all of you who have donated so kindly and generously for Mirjam’s Cure. Now, the treatment overseas that she wanted to pursue is no longer an option. Please indicate to me what you would like me to do with the money. 24 August

Just returned home from Hamilton with my beloved Mirjam’s remains in a small box. It still feels unreal, and my tears stream as I urge her to show up. Mirjam, where are you? I miss your cheeky smile, your quiet presence, your wisdom and beingness. It is slowly sinking in that you have moved on, especially after seeing your cold body.
Thanks to Sim and to Nadine for organising 2 services, one in Hamilton and one in Christchurch, and thanks to Kira for organising the artistic activity that your mother wanted.
And thanks to all of you for your comments.
Thanks to Eileen and to Jax for the photos.

The last photo of Mirjam and myself, 31 March 2017. 26 August 2017

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WHAT IS DYING

By Bishop Brent 1862-1929
(Bishop of the Philippines)

I am standing on the sea shore,
A ship at my side spreads her white
sails to the morning breeze and
starts for the blue ocean,
She is an object of beauty
and I stand and watch her
until at last she fades
on the horizon,

Then someone at my side says
“There, she has gone”
Gone where?
Gone from my sight – that is all,

She is just as large in the mast,
hull and spars as she was
when she left my side …
the diminished size and total loss
of sight is in me and not in her,
And just at that moment when
someone by my side says
“She’s gone”,
others take up the glad shout –

“There she comes.”

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This is one of the last pictures of my beloved Mirjam. It was taken near Cathedral Cove at the end of March by Cynthia Shakti. 28 August

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My heart goes out to all the men who have lost the love of their life, who grieve for their closest friend and companion, for their wife and their lover. It is very tough, and probably the deepest stress imaginable. Words can’t describe the agony and pain. 2 September

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I never knew that grieving could hurt so much. I feel a dull pressure in my chest. “Mirjam, my love, I miss you so much!” 10 September

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Mirjam Busch-Jarosewitsch Commemorate and Celebrate her Life 1 October 11-2pm

40 days after her passing, friends will meet at our home, pray, sing and share tributes and memories of this most extraordinary woman, followed by a shared meal.

Waiora Healing Waters 26 September

Thank you so much for sharing this commemoration of my wife, very much loved Mirjam. About 40 were there in person and many more in spirit. Thank you for your comments and for sending your love. Thank you also to the Vitues Group that met at the same time in Diamond Harbour and offered their own ritual. 2 October

In times of strong inner conflict and pain where we feel very irritated and disconnected from others, prayer can be a very powerful way to bring us back into relationship with a safe source to share our pain and questions and ask for guidance and support. (Mirjam Busch-Jarosewitsch, journal entry) 3 October

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This is a more recent photo of us both that I found on Mirjam’s iPhone. It was made 3 months before she died, which today has been 12 weeks. “I miss you very much, my love. Your physical presence. And all the simple joys that we could share with each other.”  14 November

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How lucky am I? Living with the soothing sound of the Manaia Stream, surrounded by bush. 24 November

Today, it has been 100 days since my beloved wife, Mirjam, has passed over into the spirit realm. In many traditions, this signifies the end of the mourning period.
The agonizing pain slowly gets less, yet the feelings of loss and grief will most likely stay with me for longer.
I am building a memorial garden in honour of Mirjam.
“There is always a place in my heart for you, Mirjam. May you be well, wherever you are.” 30 November

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Mirjam’s Memorial Garden is taking on shape, with Mirjam’s last artwork in the centre of it. 17 December

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Mirjam’s Memorial Garden 26 December

Feeling appreciation for the place I live. Thank you Mark, for making the stream more accessible: Sitting Rock, River Spa and Nikau Pool.

Thank you, Mirjam for giving me heart-shaped rocks for your memorial garden. 13 January 2018

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