The Challenge of Loving What Is

Loving What is

There are days, where it feels normal, to love what is. My energy is high, my mood is good, life simply seems wonderful. Everything is going my way. I feel elated, happy and content. My “loving what is” seems the result of my current situation. I am having “a good time”.

Do I love what is as a consequence of life being good? Is loving the result of good things happening in my life? It is like the sun has risen and bathes my world in a glow of brilliant light. It is simply the fact that I love feeling good. Neuroscience teaches us that certain hormones in the body are responsible for our feeling of elation, of zest for life, of positivity. These are the”happy hormones”1.

Or is it that life is good because I am in a state of loving life? Is my inner attitude of being in a loving space responsible for how I feel, and for how things work out for me? Maybe, I am simply in flow with whatever occurs in my life, with the circumstances that surround me. Then “loving what is” is an attitude to take if I want happiness in my life. This follows the principle of resonance. It is a way to create a sense of well-being, of happiness and contentment. If this is true then my feeling should not depend on whatever happens in life.

The question arises: To what degree am I the creator of my life? What is it in my life’s circumstances that I am responsible for and what is it that is outside of my will, outside of my control? How much can I “manifest” in my life?

Maybe, “loving what is” is both, the result of what happens in my life, and what I make of it. It is a useful attitude to take. Maybe it is the secrete to a positive life, to positive things happening to me.

As I think back over my life, I can recall moments of sheer bliss, of joy, of happiness, feeling content with myself and my life. My life force is high, I have lots of energy for living, life simply is wonderful.

Many years ago, I went to the movies and saw a film with the title “Life is Beautiful”2. To my surprise, it was not a movie that took place on a palm fringed tropical island, where everything grows abundantly, a place that we would call “heaven on earth”. It played in a most unlikely place of being considered beautiful. The scene was a concentration camp in World War II with prisoners and heavily armed guards.

Yet, this was not a very heavy movie. It was a sort of a comedy, shedding light into a dark place. I recall being uplifted and feeling hopeful about the resilience of the human spirit, when I saw how the main actor turned a sheer unbearable situation creatively into play for his young son. He made life to be beautiful in the most dreadful circumstances.

The year that the movie was made, 1997, was the year when Mirjam and I joined and formed a “conscious relationship” that lasted for 20 years and culminated in us getting married. Other highlights were working together, travelling the world, mainly in Asia, Australia and the Pacific, and finding a special place in a beautiful area of the Coromandel where we eventually moved to.

This uplifting time became something, I almost took for granted. I got used to having found “my soul mate”. The focus shifted more and more to mundane matters. There was a house to be built, a compost toilet and outdoor shower, a garden to be created in an area where possums are abundant. Slowly but steadily, it became harder to love what is. Life was full of ups and downs. There was the excitement of living in a beautiful environment combined with everyday worries. Eventually, the wonderful time came to an abrupt stop when Mirjam fell ill to cancer and subsequently died within a year. A beautiful time in my life had been tempered by normality and was then followed by despair.

Now, the idea of “loving what is” all the sudden is much more challenging. Can I love what is in difficult situations as well as in easy, positive situations? Can I love what is in neutral situations, rather than taking things for granted? Love it, not just to put up with it. Can I manage to love what is no matter what happens on the outside? This would mean to create an inner space of love inside of me that includes me and all around me, the trades people I am dealing with, as well as difficult neighbours, and the possums and the snails in the garden. Can I love the occasional mosquito and the sandflies? Can I love the rain as well as the sunshine?

As a consequence of losing my wife, my natural reaction was to disengage, to distract myself, so that I would not constantly feel the pain of the loss. I learned to close my heart, to cut myself off. This is typical for what has been called the first stage of the grieving process, the phase of denial and isolation:

“The first reaction to learning about the terminal illness, loss, or death of a cherished loved one is to deny the reality of the situation. “This isn’t happening, this can’t be happening,” people often think. It is a normal reaction to rationalize our overwhelming emotions.

Denial is a common defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock of the loss, numbing us to our emotions. We block out the words and hide from the facts. We start to believe that life is meaningless, and nothing is of any value any longer. For most people experiencing grief, this stage is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain.”3

To my surprise, the times of denial kept coming back. Whenever I think of my earlier life, I can go back into an unreality quite easily. It happens each time when I argue with reality and wished it was different, each time when I don’t accept what has happened. It is reassuring to know that this is a normal process of grieving. Grieving doesn’t happen in a straight line going from stage to stage in a linear fashion. It is messy.

In between, there were lighter moments that lifted my spirit. I felt a hunger for positivity in my life and was drawn to “positive” people, to people who would help lift my spirit. What soon became clear was that what they had in common was that they did not argue with reality, they befriended their reality, they looked for the positive in any situation and found a way of loving what is.

I rediscovered Byron Katie who wrote a book to the same title4. Her method, what she calls the work5 is focused on inquiry. Is it true what I tell myself? This inquiry is a way to find out that my suffering is not the result of what happens but of what I make it mean.

“This simple, yet powerful practice describes: “As we do The Work, not only do we remain alert to our stressful thoughts—the ones that cause all the anger, sadness, and frustration in your world—but we question them, and through that questioning the thoughts lose their power over us. Great spiritual texts describe the what—what it means to be free. The Work is the how. It shows you exactly how to identify and question any thought that would keep you from that freedom.”6

Therefore it becomes an inner experience, something that I actually have power over, something that is within “my circle of influence”7.

What is necessary for this empowerment process is the willingness to feel the uncomfortable feeling, to feel the pain, and experience its true and temporary nature. Important here is awareness to the present moment, a key aspect of Gestalt Therapy. As I become aware of how my thoughts contribute to my current situation, I gain more control of my life. I move from being a victim to being a creator. I might not have any control of what happens, but it is in my hands how I think about it.

Yet, this is not such a straight forward process, as it sounds. Even though, there is no benefit in fighting the fact, it is understandable when I do this. I give up living in the world and distract myself when it hurts too much. I close my heart and shut more or less down emotionally and try not to feel anything. When feeling is painful, I rather deaden myself. This is a quality that in particular men learn during their socialization, the way of denial, that could cost me my engagement with the world.

“When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time.”8 This sounds very logic and offers an invitation to surrender to living my life and to the process of living.

In situations where “loving what is” is not easy, I have mainly three options. One is to resign. There seems nothing can be done, as I capitulate. In resignation, I put my head in the sand. I don’t want to see. I feel like a victim of circumstances that I cannot control. What I notice is that my life energy contracts. I feel less alive. I can join the circle of complainers and moaners. I am the victim of the circumstances, that are beyond my control. Denial is a form of resignation. I am stuck, thinking about the past, of what should have been, wishing for things to be different. I live in a fantasy world, having left a tangible reality. I enter a mental construct that removes me from the present situation of the here-and-now. In denial, I numb myself and succeed to not feel, until my sedation wears off. This is a temporary relief.

I could also fight reality, “it shouldn’t be that way”, get angry with Mirjam for dying, with the possums for eating the fruit and breaking branches off. I could declare war, set up traps and poison them. I could even hate them, buy a gun and learn to shoot them. This is the fighting option. Usually, as I succeed in defeating a possum, trapping, poisoning or shooting it, I will most likely have a brief moment of relief. But this won’t last. There are far too many possums or snails to ever get on top of them. Fighting what is gives temporary relief.

The only constructive option is to align myself with reality. “Loving what is”. It is living with trust, that what happens needs to happen, exactly the way that it needs to. This is a process of surrender to the inevitable, to the “Will of God”. A saying comes to mind, “der Mensch denkt und Gott lenkt”. The equivalent in English is: “The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.”9

Surrender is different from resignation.10 Resignation is a “giving up” and comes from a place of hopelessness, whereas surrender is filled with trust and confidence. It is based on trust in God, or in the universe. Trust that what needs to happen happens, and that what happens is the right thing to happen. Otherwise, it would not happen.

Say, for example, I want to skydive. First, I prepare well and make sure that there is a working parachute attached to me. Eventually, the moment comes when I have done all the preparation that I could do, and it is time for me to jump. This is a moment of surrender. Once I step out of the plane, I let go of my control. Actually, in this case I have no other option.

Life gets difficult, as soon as I get attached to a particular outcome. This is the source of suffering, according to the Buddhist teachings, as described in The Four Noble Truths.

“According to Buddhism, suffering arises from attachment to desires. These desires can vary from material objects, sensual pleasures or even your relationships. The reason desiring causes suffering is because attachments are transient and loss is inevitable.

Buddhism says that the only constant in the universe is change, and by desiring you are trying to control and make something fixed. Suffering will follow because you are going against the forces of the universe, which is what causes anxiety, depression and negative emotions.”11

In the end, change is the only constant there is in my life. After a period of extensive sunshine that caused dryness, I noticed that I looked forward to rain for the gardens to thrive. When it is hot, I look for shade and enjoy the coolness of the stream. But then, after extensive periods of rain and the ground being soaked, I begin to crave sunshine again.

A recepie for a life in misery is to always want the opposite of what is. When it is warm, you want cold, when it is cold, you want warmth, etc. If you want happiness you learn to accept and love what is.

It is easier said than done, and to put it into practice is one of the great challenges in life. What helps me is to know that in the darkest moment, there is a source of light. If I can find it depends on my attitude.

The big rain has stopped. Bright sunshine invites me to go outside and to face yet another beautiful day.


2Life Is Beautiful (Italian: La vitabe è bella, Italian pronunciation: [la ˈviːta ˌɛ bˈbɛlla]) is a 1997 Italian comedy-drama film directed by and starring Roberto Benigni, who co-wrote the film with Vincenzo Cerami. Benigni plays Guido Orefice, a Jewish Italian bookshop owner, who employs his fertile imagination to shield his son from the horrors of internment in a Nazi concentration camp. …

The film was a critical and financial success. It grossed over $229 million worldwide, becoming one of the highest-grossing non-English movies of all time,[4] and received widespread acclaim (despite some criticisms of using the subject matter for comedic purposes). It won the Grand Prix at the 1998 Cannes Film Festival, nine David di Donatello Awards, including Best Film, and five Nastro d’Argento Awards in Italy, two European Film Awards, and three Academy Awards, including Best Foreign Language Film and Best Actor for Benigni.

4Byron Katie, Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life


7Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

10See: John Kehoe, The difference between surrender and resignation, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZrlGRiQkJgc



Loving what is

– The Power of Gentleness

A Gestalt Approach

Friday 15 November – 6 to 8pm and

Saturday 16 November 10am to 5pm

How do we deal with challenging situations in our lives?

Do we force ourselves and others in an attempt to bring about change?

Or .. Can we learn to surrender to a given situation and go with the flow?

We live is such a fast-paced world that we can lose sense of the present moment. Often we go through the motions or use distractions to NOT be with our experience. We end up feeling ungrounded and low on energy, disconnected and lonely.

So … how do we find the way back to our well- being?

By slowing down, we can gain awareness and, by staying with ‘what is’, we can reach inner peace and total acceptance of the given situation that leads to change in a natural way. This process forms the baseline for a choiceful, responsive and empowered living.


Rudolf Jarosewitsch and Sophie Toutain will be co-facilitating this workshop.

Rudolf Jarosewitsch, M.Ed. (FU Berlin), Gestalt Therapist (GANZ), Counsellor (NZAC), Supervisor and Trainer (Integrative Gestalt Centre, guest trainer at numerous Australian Gestalt institutes). Rudolf now lives in the solitude of the New Zealand bush in the Coromandel and works mainly through internet media. www.waiorahealingwaters.com

Sophie Toutain, Dip Gestalt Psychotherapy, MNZAP, PBANZ, GANZ – Registered Psychotherapist. Sophie is currently in private practice at Now Psychotherapy and Counselling in central Christchurch. She works with adults individuals and couples www.nowpsychotherapy.nz Sophie is also seeing adult men and couples at the Canterbury Men’s Centre www.canmen.org.nz

Venue: Otākaro Healing Arts – 232 Fitzgerald Avenue – Christchurch Central

Cost: Early bird $135 (by 8 November) – Full fee $160

For more information and to register, please contact Rudolf Jarosewitsch at rumijabu@gmail.com or Sophie Toutain at sophie@nowspychotherapy.nz

No prior experience of Gestalt therapy required


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My interest is in how to create and maintain harmonious, healthy, uplifting relationships in all parts of life. Especially close friendships and intimate relationships can create heaven on earth or hell.

What are the dynamics that contribute to whatever it is we experience?

How can I empower myself to form a relationship that is life enhancing? What is my power? What lies in my “circle of influence” (Stephen Covey)?

Location of my home





2 September 2017

My heart goes out to all the men who have lost the love of their life, who grieve for their closest friend and companion, for their wife and their lover. It is very tough, and probably the deepest stress imaginable. Words can’t describe the agony and pain.

Rudolf Jarosewitsch Mirjam, my wife and lover. There will always be a special place in my heart for you. I mourn your loss and celebrate our eternal connection that extends beyond this physical life.

Kaye Ryan Bless you Rudolph; so beautiful that you can share your compassion for others so early in your process 

Christina Burki I am sure that your connection is still there..very strong.

Jax Storey Rudolf I could put a ‘like ‘ and a ‘heart’ here. But neither portray the right sentiment. In reality I wouldn’t have a clue of what you are experiencing. So in innocence I send you an all enveloping cuddle and endless kisses on your cheeks…knowing they are not from the one you’d love to receive them …

Paul Tottle Eternal love

Lawrence O Aotearoa (( ❤ )) your beloved’s pain has ended dear brother I hope you can find mercy for yourself as you grieve (( ❤ ))
with love and support for your process x

Ian Jones Yep

Cheri Anderson Your love will be with you always.

Karen Humpage Your loss is a pain I cannot fathom…your love for Mirjam is something I understand completely. I know if she had to do it all over again she would choose you Rudolf as I know you would choose her. Your spirits are joined and shall be forever. I belief grief is the hardest thing humans go through. Continue to reach out and express your pain and love. We all shall accompany you on this journey you must travel. Mirjam is with you as are we. {{Hugs}} and love to you my friend   

Olli Ricken ❤️

Warren Parkinson You are in our thoughts daily Rudolf and our love goes out to you at this difficult time.

Clive Holgate Just listening

Flavia Coleman Love never dies

Margarete Koenning Lieber Rudolf see fest gehalten in deinem Schmerz und deiner Trauer

Gary Cook Love and Blessings . We never forget those that we truly love. Arohanui

Alan Wilcox I am so sorry to hear this sad news of the passing o dear Miriam. A huge shock love and prayers Rudolf.

Dennis Valentine Rudolf …
What beautiful messages yr grief and pain are telling you about the depth of your love I am moved to tears of joy for the depth of love you shared and expressed for each other….. if that makes sense..
.. such a beautiful beautiful thing

Lucy Cabot-Saunders Much love to you Rudolf xo

Peter Jackson Lovely photo Rudolf, Lovely memories

Richard Stewart Thank you Rudolf. I was so sad to learn of Miriam’s death. Kia kaha and much love and strength to you.

I never knew that grieving could hurt so much. I feel a dull pressure in my chest. Mirjam, my love, I miss you so much!

Elizabeth McCardell Yes, grief hurts to the core of one’s being.

Jazelle Alderdice Nothing can prepare you Rudolf! Feeling for you…..

Petra Zirke lots of love to you Rudolf from me and some other members of the chigung community.

Shirley Hurrell Only those of us who have experienced that level of grief, understand …..

Eleanor Pinkerton Yes the pain is very real. Sending healing chi your way!

Monica Page Like waves in the ocean…the physical missingness will come and go. Gradually as you adjust, you will remember she is right next to you. You are loved by so many Rudolf Jarosewitsch all holding your hand.

Christopher Musgrave Amen
Lots of love to you 

Estelle Nguyễn We miss her too…

Jillie Toogood Love to you Rudolph. Beautiful photo.

Dix Ozier Standing with you, my friend

Mari Trini Mitre I’m so sorry Rudolf… My heart is still aching too.   Much love and harmony.

Christina Burki Love to you Rudolf.I only can imagine and know she is still close to you..invisible.

Erica Ruiter Big permanent hug.
The pain is understandable for the life lost.
The challenge is in time time time realising there is no separation.

Warren Parkinson Kia kaha Rudolf.

Erica Ruiter Love the photo.x

Diane Boyd Its a pain like no other!

Nilguen Kulpe Yes, it’s an enormous pain to loose your beloved through death and unimaginable that ‘ this too will pass one day…’ my heart is with yours Rudolf, love Nilguen

Lynda Kitchingham Rudolf. My heart aches every time I think of you. I’m so sorry you’ve lost that fabulous woman Mirjam!

Margarete Koenning Lieber Rudolf ich denke view andich halte rich Liebevoll in deiner Trauer

Kovido Maddick Thinking of you Rudolf . All our love Kovido and Suraya

Tess Ward Beautiful photo Rudolf. Jan and I are still thinking of you having just driven away from your place a few hours ago. Kia Kaha. Love Tess and Jan x

Jen Raquel Newick I think of you daily Rudolf. Im holding you in my heart place 

Wolfgang Fassbinder big hugs to you Rudolf 

Rebecca Lee Sending you love in this space of deep grief Rudolf 

Alison Cannell Sending love Rudolf❤️xx

Annekatrien Verbraak So sorry you have to go through such a pain. Very brave of you to share it and reach out. I see here that it seems that your call is heard. I hope you feel that as slightly soothing your huge grief.

Eden Fazel Feeling your pain. Will travelling for 2-3 months possibly ease this transition?

Monique Dobrzelak I am with you 

Rose Diamond Thinking of you Rudolf, feeling with you, much love to your grieving heart.

Katz Cowley I can’t imagine how you must be feeling Rudolf.
The other side of the blessing of a deep union is the grieving for the loss of your beloved through all the ‘thicks a thins’ of relating.
My heart joins others to be with you and circle around you on your grieving journey.
I know that cant replace what you have lost but we are holding you through this deep transformational passage 

Rudolf Jarosewitsch Thank you. It all helps.

Cynthia Shakti I think grief is one of the hardest feelings to bear, be genle with yourself Rudof and remember to continue to reach out to everything that will nuture abd norish you. Much love, courage and hugs to you xox

Danielle Kojic Such a beautiful photo. Lots of love to you

Cheri Anderson Sending so many comforting hugs 

Ali Watersong Sending you much love and care Rudolf Jarosewitsch

Ali Watersong ❤️❤️❤️

Tamika Gail Dwight-Scott Can’t even begin to imagine your pain Rudolf. Our heart goes out to you. Tam and stu xx

Karen Humpage ❤️ sent you a message Rudolf. Much love to you from Mark and myself ❤️

Janice Joyce I’m thinking of you Rudolph and sending love 

Penny Brenton Sending love Rudolph, great grief is the result of great love! 

Jennifer Teague I love the laughter in her eyes, I know I will always remember that.

Linda Kroening ❤

Harikirtana Heike McCahon Rudi, I am thinking of you and Mirjam often, sending prayers and love xx

Gael Thompson Yes Rudolf. Grief is such deep pain and heartache felt on so many levels , keep reaching out ,sharing your love story and take extra care of your immune system it will be severely compromised at this time .
Holisticpulsingrocks Corinne Murray oh i so remember that smile xox

Sugra Morley My condolences and blessings go with you, Rudolph

Jane Catherine Severn sending love as you continue to bear the unbearable, day by day. xx

Astrid Melchers I’m so sorry Rudolf, so so sorry. Sending you a hug…

Nguyễn Hoàng Thanh I miss her too, Rudolf please take care of yourself.

Roger Harwood REMEMBER ME….
To the living….I am gone.
To the sorrowful….I will never return
But to the happy…I am at peace.
And to the faithful. …I have never left
I cannot speak… but I can listen.
I cannot be seen… but I can be heard.
So as you stand apon a shore, gazing at the beautiful sea… Remember me.
As you look upon a flower and admire it’s simplicity. .. Remember me.
Remember me in your heart, Your thoughts. .. and your memories.
Of the times we loved…the times we cried… the times we laughed.
For if you will always think of me I will never be gone.
Author unknown
Kia kaha my friend

Kaye Ryan Keep sharing dear Rudolf, I will keep holding space for your grief as I am certain many of us intend to. I so wish I could be physically present to sit with you through some of your more difficult moments. May Mother Nature caress your cheek with the softest of breezes to remind you that you are felt, held and loved in your despair xxx

Linda Kavelin-Popov It’s a terrible hollow pressure. Sending love, dear Rudolf.

Marlene Harrison Thinking of you Rudolf and sending you our loving thoughts and prayers.

Augusta Andrew Dear Rudolf, we are thinking of you and send you our love and prayers.

Hi rudolf. I appreciate your open sharing of your feelings. It teaches many. It helps others know where you are at though far away. You are very brave. This grieving is natural and time heals. In the mean time, if you haven’t already… give the grief to god.ask for support to have the chasm filled and ask how to do the next minute. Much love.x Erica Ruiter

Suzy Erskine



Just returned home from Hamilton with my beloved Mirjam’s remains in a small box. It still feels unreal, and my tears stream as I urge her to show up. Mirjam, where are you? I miss your cheeky smile, your quiet presence, your wisdom and beingness. It is slowly sinking in that you have moved on, especially after seeing your cold body. 
Thanks to Sim and to Nadine for organising 2 services, one in Hamilton and one in Christchurch, and thanks to Kira for organising the artistic activity that your mother wanted.
And thanks to all of you for your comments. 
Thanks to Eileen and to Jax for the photos.

Peter Jackson Well Done Rudolf. The prayers will continue ^^ [26 August]

Penny Brenton Heartbreaking 😥🙏🏻

Annekatrien Verbraak Your grief mirrors the great love between you. All the very best, Rudolf

Ina Angova What a dignified and beautiful Goodbuy for this gorgeous Woman! Our prayers are with you Rudolf and Mirjam! 🌷🌷🌷

Jill Baxter It’s so sad Rudolf. Big hugs to you. Know she is near. X

Jane Forsyth Prayers for you Rouldolf a generous soul full of love and wisdom for all. spirit always be with you Guiding You to your future with mirjams spirit by your side .

Karen Humpage ❤ ❤ ❤

Katz Cowley I’m so thinking of you Rudolf.
I can’t imagine how you must be feeling.
Im so happy you two found eachother…
The other side of that joy and depth of love and connection is the grief of letting go.
I can’t imagine how that must feel but I know there is so much to be felt and reality checks as you adjust from feeling Mirjam’s physical presence and sparkling warmth beside you, to feeling her presence in your Heart and around and within you in new ways.
I think of you both so fondly and an touched by the openness of this post and all that you have been sharing in this profoundly deep journey as Mirjam has moved on beyond her physical form.
Nothing can ever break the love and the bond between you.
My loving thoughts and prayers with you ❤

Eileen Khouw Sending big love, l am thinking of you and looking forward to seeing you tomorrow X

Stan van Uden So feeling for you in your grief Rudolf. Sending you both much love. So many beautiful memories of you two and such a heart felt sense of the love between you. Big loving hugs to you, thinking of you so much. Stan.

Monique Dobrzelak I feel you and know how it feels. I pray for you both and wish I could give you a big hug 💕

Simone Hamblett Dear Rudolf. I was remembering the counselling sessions Derek and me had with both of you many years ago when you had just moved into your new house in Brighton. I remember you both enjoying your new garden and admiring the new blossoms on the trees…
With much love and heartfelt thoughts.

Katz Cowley Dont think there were many couples who *didn’t* get some support and counselling from Mirjam & Rudolf in Chch!
My partner and I at the time did too and seemed a common thread between many couples and the well trod pathway to Mirjam & Rudolf’s door for beautiful support through testy terrain ❤ ❤ ❤
Thank you both of you x

Jane Forsyth Saved many marriages

Donald Pettitt Really helped to set Frauke John and I up. We have very strong memories from those sessions.

Jane Catherine Severn so much love to you in these days and nights of sorrow, dear Rudolf… thankyou for letting us share this journey of bearing the unbearable with you. It will be so hard for a long time – do know you are not alone, even when you feel most alone. xxx

Jen Raquel Newick Dear Rudolf, your profound grief is a testement of the immense love that you shared with Mirjam, your soulmate. I hope you find some solice knowing that you will be together again in another realm. Please accept my loving thoughts and prayers. Jen 🙏

Jax Storey Oh Rudolf…it’s absolutely surreal that Mirjam is no longer here in physical form…
I cannot imagine what it’s like for you. No longer is she by your side. No longer do you make choices together nor continue to create your home…
And yet, she’s even more close…
Each time you think of Mirjam she’s closer than your breath. She is in your heart when you really stop and feel it. Mirjam is with you loving you at the deepest most profound level.
All love and blessings to you o tender one, Jax 🙏🏻💗🙏🏻
[27 August]

Kaya Singer Love.

Jan Jaap van Sluijs Dear Rudolf, we feel very sad about your loss. Just one day before Mirjam’s departure from this life, we lost our mother Iek. She was Mirjam’s godmother. This is surely no coincidence and you can be assured that Mirjam has been received with open arms bij my mother. We wish you all the strength you need.

Rudolf Jarosewitsch Thank you for this. What a beautiful picture. My condolences to you.

Fariba Riazati Dear Rudolf it is very painful to lose a loved one but as time goes it gets easier. You will continue to live with her memory. You will never forget but learn to cope with it. I recall when my dad passed away a couple of years ago, he was overseas and I was not able to go to Iran to say goodbye. I still to this day find it hard to bleieve that I wont see him again but life goes on and we live by the fun memory of our loved one. Such is life. stay strong and call her to mind she is closer to you more than before. you are in my prayers.

Nilguen Kulpe Oh, Rudolf I do know how it feels to lose a soul mate and I also know that she’ll be around you in many ways, watch your dreams! My heart goes out to you! I’m staying currently with Olaf and Veronika who are equally shocked and saddened by the news of Mirijam’s death. Many blessings, love Nuegg

Warren Parkinson Thinking of you in your grief Rudolf. Kia kaha our dear friend.

Ian Gall My thoughts are with you my friend

Arielle Atman Totally surreal. Thank you for sharing your love Rudolf x

Tracy Adams Holding you in my heart Rudolf

Olly Ohlson Kia kaha Rudolph from Theraze and I.

Tess Ward Thinking of you Rudolf. Thanks for sharing so openly. Sending you healing thoughts and hoping that the sadness and feelings of loss lessen over time with the support of friends.

Monty Engs We love you Rudolf. Your loss is our loss. Mirjam is the brightest angel in the Abah Kingdom! Prayers and fondest thoughts to you.

Tiamara Williams Dear Rudolf, I am thinking of you. I totally get the feeling of loss that you have. Deep breaths, feeling all the way to the centre. Soft hugs to you.

Kovido Maddick Dear Rudolf your Love and realness move me to tears. Thank you. It has been so hard to believe that it has happened. So sad. My thoughts and love are with you kovido

Kathy L Gilbert Prayers and loving thoughts dear Rudolf. Arohanui

Nasim Anayati Maani You’ve all been in my humble prayers daily, dear Rudolf!

Augusta Andrew Oh my goodness, we only just saw this. Our sincerest condolences, Rudolf. She was a shining spirit in life and returns to that true essence. Sending you much love and hugs.

Jax Storey





rjam Busch

August 26 at 3:12pm · Christchurch · 

Last night we celebrated you, angelic Mirjam
Though you were probably there with us in spirit form, 😇 we, one by one, spoke of you sharing memories and recording your beautiful qualities in a huge heart-shaped helium balloon. I said your heart was even bigger. 🎈
And we each placed flowers 🌺 in the winding path of sand from Penquin Street created as the mandala of your life.
At the end we took the balloon outside, formed a circle, expressed intentions and spoke a prayer from 
Rudolf sent to the beautiful loving organiser – oh dear I don’t recall her name – ( I was blessed to stand in the middle with the balloon) and then the balloon was released. Up it floated higher and higher and higher until it truly seemed to merge with the stars…
Then we carefully gathered up the mandala which was placed on silk and carried it outside as if it was your very body, Mirjam. We walked the small distance to the river next to your beloved Baha’i Centre and released it to the river. …and by the light of our torch, a baby eel was seen in the water where we released the mandala…
What a beautiful and simple ceremony it was.
You are now resting as the peace, profound love and joy you truly are, Mirjam. Namaste 🙏🏻💗🙏🏻

Birte Flatt I m touched in many ways . Namaste

Cynthia Shakti So beautiful….the tears steam as i read this post…..

Mareile Stoppel 🌈Thank you to the Bahai community for hosting this beautiful event. I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to share and connect with Mirjam and her friends 🌈

Rudolf Jarosewitsch Thank you so much, Jax, for posting this. I was there in spirit, as was Mirjam (I guess).

Eileen Khouw Sounds like such a wonderful gathering. Thanks so much for coming together and honoring Mirjam

Lynda Kitchingham Sounds very beautiful and a very fitting farewell for beautiful Mirjam.

The last photo of Mirjam and myself, 31 March 2017.

Anja Striepke 🙂 [26 August]

Christina Burki So beautiful and I only can imagine how sad for you Rudolf and know she is still with you..only invisible for you.

Monica Page Beautiful ❤

Aditya Malik Much love Rudolf! 💜💜❤

Annekatrien Verbraak She looked so good! You both do

Kaye Ryan This is what real love looks like xo

Chantal Healy You are very much in our thoughts… You both look so radiant and one… forever… With much much love dearest Rudolf xx

Jane Forsyth Beautiful

Diane Boyd Golden and beautiful!

Margarete Koenning welch ein schoenes Bild von such beiden

Karen Humpage So much love ❤ ❤ ❤

Gael Thompson Aw beautiful such light and love emanating from you both , Remember Rudolf that is not gone .

Ann-Maree Rundle love

Tamika Gail Dwight-Scott Beautiful photo

Heidi Turner ❤ beautiful beautiful people x x

Robyn Townsend 🙏🏽beautiful ❤

Eileen Khouw Awwww so love this moment xxxxx

Tanya Field Such extraordinary love between you both…so touching. 👃💖

Monique Dobrzelak beautiful souls

Jen Raquel Newick Your love is radiant and defies time 🌹🌹🌹

Jane Catherine Severn thankyou Rudolf – precious to have this beautiful memento of you both and the extraordinary love you radiated together.

Flavia Coleman Love never dies

Eden Fazel [27 August]

Jill Baxter Beautiful xx

Jennifer Teague I am so sorry Rudolf. Thank you for sharing the photo, it is lovely.

Beatriz Rodriguez Servetto 💖

Katie Ayo Beautiful xxx

Jazelle Alderdice May you always have her in your heart like this. This is how I remember you both xx

Mareile Stoppel So beautiful

Warren Parkinson Love is eternal.

Steve Strang What a Beautiful photo Rudolf. Sending love and holding you in my heart brother💙

Arielle Atman Beautiful

Janice Joyce So lovely
Tracy Adams beautiful ones ❤

Jax Storey Always so loving together dear Rudolf 🙏🏻💗🙏🏻

Tess Ward Beautiful photo Rudolf. Very poignant.

Clive Holgate Beutiful

Martine Bouillir Ohhhh… ❤

Lynda Kitchingham Fabulous photo of you both. A treasure! xxx

Tiamara Williams what an absolutely beautiful picture

Robin Woodsford nice one Rudolf….

Marlene Harrison Love you both…beautiful photo

Linda Kroening Wow so beautiful

Augusta Andrew Lovely photo of you xoxox

Franziska Friese

August 28 at 8:40am · Christchurch · 

A number of friends passed over in the last 2 months …Death …what is it .. how does it feel…where does it take us….how do we honour and love it like we do life ?
This is with thanks to those who have led the way so beautifully, embracing the full compass of emotions and yet still with a focus on Joy. Thank you 
Rudolf for sharing it .

Natasha Gall Thanks for that, yes I have lost some friends too

Elisa Lanau When my beautiful grandmother died she came to say goodbye to me in a dream. I picked up her lifeless body from the sea, and then saw her spirit soul body by the sea shore. Tnx for posting Franziska…. thoughts with Rudolf.

Ann Way Beautiful Franziska! Here is my favorite poem in response:

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

by Mary Elizabeth Frye

Franziska Friese THANK YOU 🙂

Anna Hakansson ❤❤❤

Esther Chambers No words….thanks for sharing this.

Michaela Balzarova Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

Cecelia O’Brien Both lovely

Shelley Hines Blessings♡♡♡

Karoline Stevens Wow! What a beautiful poem, Franziska! 🙏


By Bishop Brent 1862-1929
(Bishop of the Philippines)

I am standing on the sea shore,
A ship at my side spreads her white
sails to the morning breeze and
starts for the blue ocean,
She is an object of beauty
and I stand and watch her
until at last she fades
on the horizon,

Then someone at my side says
“There, she has gone”
Gone where?
Gone from my sight – that is all,

She is just as large in the mast,
hull and spars as she was
when she left my side …
the diminished size and total loss
of sight is in me and not in her,
And just at that moment when
someone by my side says
“She’s gone”,
others take up the glad shout –

There she comes.”

Annekatrien Verbraak Can’t sleep, Rudolf?

Rudolf Jarosewitsch Not very well. Miss my beloved.

Yasmeen Clark Beautiful beautiful words. Thinking of you and sending hugs ❤

Jane Forsyth Thank you for sharing. Hard to comprehend.

Jax Storey So very beautiful Rudolf…both the words and the pictures. Thank you for sharing this with us. Sending you big love and comforting cuddles 💗🤗🌸

Tess Ward Beautiful words Rudolf. I know this poem and how true the words are.

Lynda Kitchingham Sending loving thoughts to you Rudolf.

Alison Scott brilliant




This is one of the last pictures of my beloved Mirjam. It was taken near Cathedral Cove at the end of March by Cynthia Shakti.

Katie Ayo What a beautiful woman she is Rudolph ❤ [28 August]

RaeMarie Evans Wow beautiful memories Rudolf xo

Janice Joyce Just beautiful ❤

Ina Angova Stunning!

Jill Baxter Aw

Cynthia Shakti Thanks Rudolf for posting this, I have such fond memories of the week I spent with Mirjam Busch and you …..I’m missing her so very much.

Heidi Turner beautiful shining light 🌟💖

Frauke John Beautiful

Warren Parkinson Lovely shot. Hard to believe that she left us so quickly.

Anita Lopp · Friends with Cynthia Shakti and 19 others

simply beautiful

Liz Faid So much life and joy in her – her photos are so beautiful ❤

Tiamara Williams beautiful

Suraya Langston gorgeous, she is in our hearts always.

Flavia Coleman Absolutely gorgeous

Lesley Alyson Campbell Such a beautiful photo ! [29 August]

Jax Storey isn’t it true, the Light always shines from Mirjam… ❤


Jillie Toogood: There are few people in my life who have truly inspired me, supported me to be all I can be, and whom I salute as being a friend, mentor and lifesaver. Mirjam made the world a better, brighter, safer place for many of us and I am very saddened to see her go. May you enjoy the next part of your journey Mirjam. With much love and gratitude to you xx


Dearest Rudolf, I think about you every day and darling Mirjam. There isn’t anything that I can say that can help. I just want you to know how much I have appreciated having both of you in my life. Mirjam shared with me on several occasions how much you meant to her and how patient you were while she came to the realisation that she loved you :o).

Whilst I cannot fully know your pain, I have cried many tears as I realise how much safer the world seemed with her in it. I have attached this video which although it was for Louise Hay, Nick suggested we could use it for any person who has passed. I found it calmed me and allowed me to connect to Mirjam. Please just delete if it is not of interest.

Sending you my heartfelt love Rudolf.

Whilst I cannot fully know your pain, I have cried many tears as I realise how much safer the world seemed with her in it. I have attached this video which although it was for Louise Hay, Nick suggested we could use it for any person who has passed. I found it calmed me and allowed me to connect to Mirjam. Please just delete if it is not of interest.

Sending you my heartfelt love Rudolf.

Astrid Melchers: Dear Rudolf, I’m just that little bit too far away but will be there in spirit. I’m thinking of my time at your place often. It’s a special place but as with most experiences in life, it’s the people that make for a special time. I enjoyed your company so much, and our conversations. It was bed, breakfast and healing that I got from you, and it was the best holiday I’d ever had. Mirjam was a wonderful person, a gem of a woman, and you two were wonderful together. I wish you strength to see a path forward for yourself. You rebuilt your life once before, now you have to do it again in some way. I’m sure she’s watching over you and is with you.

[Wednesday 23 August 2017]

Jenny May: Yesterday evening at 5.30 pm I went outside to go to dinner (still at The Haven) and I smelt frangipani overwhelmingly. I thought that it was the flowers out side but Chris and dave couldn’t smell it at all. The strong perfume stayed with me even back in my room as I went to sleep. I’m thinking that Mirjam was visiting – now that she if free of her body perhaps she wanted to visit the haven.

Hi Rudi, I have copied and shared with you this message to me from Monica she sent to me in response to the story above that I sent to you. I hope you are finding some solace and peace. We fly from qui nhon to Hanoi today.

“How beautiful Jenny
We too, and the animals have felt her presence particularly during the evening & night.
Now that she is free of her body she can visit anyone at anytime….how beautiful. Yes it is good for Rudi to be reminded of the subtle messages from her…to look for her soul will help eleviate the missingness of what was her physical state of being….she is still with him and always will be…even moreso in her soul state, and as he attunes himself to this vibration of her being he will enjoy a new level of relating with Mirjam. xo.” (Monica Page)

Kerrie Gaelen




Rudolf Jarosewitsch

August 25 at 10:16pm · 

I am saddened to hear of Mirjiam’s passing, such a wonderful, gentle soul and so full of life and I’m sorry not to be able to join the celebration of her life but please know I will be thinking of you. I can’t image how difficult the days are for you at the moment losing your life partner and soul mate. I remember how you both welcomed and embraced me to your home and the workshop I attended presented by you both. Allowing friends to hold and support you at this time and for the future is an important part of this journey. xx

Olly Ohlson Our thoughts and love are with you Rudolph. Nga mihi.

[Sunday 27/8/2017]

Hello Rudolph – and big love to you. I wanted to send you a personal message. You have been so courageous and open hearted sharing your journey and grief as Mirjam was exiting this world. It has been deeply moving for me. Mirjam lives on in the lives and hearts of the many of us who had the pleasure and insightful-ness of her counsel. She continues to be a beautiful, wise and gentle presence in my heart, as I know she is for others. I still remember so clearly when she challenged me with the question “Do your children have the right to struggle?”. It made so much impact on me that I have quoted her many times to others struggling with their children’s struggles. I imagine what it would feel like to lose my great love and every part of my being just aches and feels distraught. I can only imagine the loss you are feeling now you are faced with the reality of losing your soulmate and great love. All of this must surely be one of the greatest challenges we face – the pain of losing someone after loving them completely. You are a brave and beautiful soul, Rudolph. I am sure you will have a period of time feeling somewhat adrift as you embark on this next phase of your life. Where ever it takes you next, I wish you well – and very much love. Suzy XX

Dear Rudolf

Today I heard the very sad news that Mirjam has recently died. What a beautiful woman. You must be missing her so much Rudolf. I know that she contributed to the happiness of my family by her loving kindness to Simeon and Michaela when they stayed at your healing haven last year.  I also remember Mirjam from gestalt workshops and a couples counselling course that you both took.  She stayed in my memory as a gentle and strong woman who brought a sense of warmth and goodness into the room with her. 

Blessings and love to you and thank you for being part of a great partnership of devotion to each other that could inspire others.

Kindest regards,  Jackie  [Scott, 29 August]



Beloved Mirjam has peacefully passed into the spiritual world, today at 11am.

Cynthia Shakti Sending you much love Rudolf, in your grief, loss and pain on so many levels. ❤❤❤

Eden Fazel Lots of love for you both all the way from Canary Islands

Karen Humpage Dear RudolfMark and I are so saddened at the loss of Mirjam ♥ Please know we are holding you close in our hearts and sending you love, strength and healing spirits ♥ Fly free dear Mirjam. Go in love and peace ♥

Leona Wolpert Thinking of you both. So sorry for your loss of your beautiful partner. ❤

Christina Fletcher Rip beautiful Mirjam. Sending you love at this time Rudolf Jarosewitsch ❤️

Jill Baxter Travel well Mirjam. You always brought lightness and joy. I’ll never forget that flick of your skirt and giggles at Convergence. Much love and gratitude. At peace now and always. 😚

Eleanor Pinkerton Thinking of you as you experience the grief and pain of losing your bful partner.

Maree Stachel-Williamson Oh, we’re so sorry to hear this Rudolf – we only met you two once on the NMIT counselling course but you both made a big impression on us. Sending our love 

Rudolf Boelee Much strength Rudolf Jarosewitsch!

John Herrett Lots of love to you Rudolf, prayers and love..

Alison Cannell Travel well Miriam and sending much love to you Rudolf❤️🙏xxx

Yasmeen Clark Sending love to you Rudolf. May Mirjam feel enveloped in love as she makes her transition home 

Daniela Goltermann I am so sorry to hear that.
She brought light and love wherever she went. I am very grateful to have met her.
I am thinking of you 
Rudolf Jarosewitsch.
With all my love…. 😢❤️

Elizabeth McCardell My heart aches with you, my friend.

Jennifer May Peacefull journey to lovely Mirjam. And peace, love and healing to you Rudolf. Please pass on Ana and Kira the same. ❤️

Mark Humpage Kia Kaha, so much love, so much sadness

Katie Nixon Today I stood and watched the totality of the moon eclipsing the sun. It was beautiful and i can easily equate Mirjam’s beauty with this event. While I only spent a short time with her, her powerful energy (much like the eclipse) has always stayed in my memory. May her spirit find peace and your heart find solace in her memory

Stephen LeFebvre So sorry to hear Rudolf, our love and prayers are with you both. Know that we will be with everyone we have ever loved forever ………

Brenda Miller Love and prayers out to you 

Emma Darragh I am so sad for the world. Mirjam made it a better, kinder, place. Sending you thoughts and prayers Rudolf. What a privilege it was to see you two together in the beautiful space you both created.

Eden Fazel Neither you, nor the sadness in your face, nor the people of this town will live forever!
I swear in the name of the fleeting sad bubble of this beautiful river passing you by, and I swear in the name of those short happy moments that we experienced together!
That today’s sadness will also pass, in a way that only its memory will last!
All moments of your life come to you naked! Do not ever dress them in costumes made of sadness!

Lucy Cabot-Saunders Jeff and I are gutted to hear of your loss at Mirjam’s passing. Your life will never be the same without such a beautiful Soul by your side. She was very supportive of me earlier on in my (Lucy ‘s) journey which I am very grateful for. We are sitting here writing this to you and send you a reminder email you much love as you come to terms with your loss. We will be thinking of you over the next few very difficult days and coming weeks as you adjust to a different life. Much love Lucy and Jeff xo xo

Lucy Cabot-Saunders Please forgive my unhelpful ‘intuitive’ apple device which highjacked our words. I’m sure that it didn’t highjack the sentiments we were wanting to convey.. Much love from us both, Lucy xo

Linda Kavelin-Popov O Rudolf my heart goes out to you. You have been so close for so long.

Robyn Townsend Love and prayers

Anwar Jahan Please accept our heartfelt condolences!

Estelle Nguyễn noo… I feel so bad and sad to hear this new. I’m so sorry for your loss. My English is not good enough to describe my feelings and what I want to said to you but Mirjam will always in my heart! Prayers and love… ! Rest in peace Mirjam… The memories will remain forever in my heart! 😢

Osnat Ella May she rest in peace. She was very loved and that love will never be lost. I had the honour of filming your wedding. Sure you are full with long lasting memories of her beautiful being and all the help you gave other people. Sending you much love.

Jax Storey Oh Rudolf, I send you so much love and cradle you within my heart  Your Goddess flies Free now…
All my love to you dear one 

Dinah Buchanan Our hearts go out to you Rudolf – we’ll be in touch – we’d like to support you if we can. I feel so, so sad and bereft. MIrjam was such a joyful, loving light and I will always think of her with much love. Dinah & Barry xx

Kaya Singer Rudolf- my deep love to you and prayer to Mirjam. I suspect she is fine and its you who needs love right now. Let me know anything I can do for you.

Brent Skinnon So sorry to hear this Rudolph.

Erica Ruiter Happy to hear Miriam is at peace. Sad to lose such a lovely woman. Glad to have met her and fond memories of her warmth live on. Om shanti
Beth Lew Our hearts are saddened for your loss Rudolph and we are saying prayers for Miriam’s progress in the next world -the world of light and joy.

Nickei Falconer Much love to you Rudolf 

Lisa Lane

Wolfgang Fassbinder Transitiontime. Travel safe dear Mirjam. Lots of love to you Rudolf. Hugs 

Jane Forsyth Words fail me sending much love Rudolf always a place here for you if you need . Love Jane and Eoin

Natasha Gall Go well Mirjam. I would have like more time with you, you were quite a mentor. I am sure your big smile is carrying you onwards in peace

Kaye Ryan Rudolf,
The love and healing that you & dear Miriam Blessed so many hearts with will continue to ripple on for years to come.
The dedication you both demonstrated in tending the garden of your relationship has been awe-inspiring to me.
The depth of the grief that you find yourself in right now is testimony to the rich beds, beauty & lush foliage of that garden. May the power of the Love you created and shared so generously help you through Life as it is now.
You have my heart today,

Lynn Timpany Much love. So sorry for your loss Rudolf.

Dennis Valentine Love & Hugs

Jazelle Alderdice Just read your post….so very very sad, Mirijam left too soon. Kia Kaha Rudolf, your grief is as deep as your love. My tears are falling up here on the mountain in the south island as I tune into your unfathomable loss. Gutted she didn’t make it to Thailand. Many prayers and tender holding of your shattered heart.

Hoàng Kim Trần I can not believe that’s true . Wake up in tears . Missing you forever

Franziska Friese LOVE and LIGHT blessings to her departing soul and love and hugs to you Rudolf …all pain ebbs and flows ….may there be some light somewhere sometime to light up the dark space of loss…xxx

Robin Woodsford my thoughts are with you rudolf and all family at this time…. Mirjam was in my mind all morning today…may she be at peace and may we all grieve well…

Melissa Strang So sorry. She was a beautiful lady in every sense of the word xx

Mike Rafferty Mike Rafferty ….. dear Rudolf, stand strong in your grace brother. Hold that massive part of your heart that is Mirjam. Treasure this, find comfort in this.Care for yourself, go gently.with love. Mike

Nikki Berry I’m so so sorry Rudolf, all my love, Nikki

Jacqui Cotter Oh that’s so so sad Rudolf, I’m so sorry for your loss. ❤️

Rebeccah Hibbert So much love, Rudolf. Prayers for her spiritual journey and for you 

Pascale Hennessey She is at peace. I love you Mirjam, and will pray for the progress of your soul to the Abhá Kingdom. Yá-Bahá’ul-Abhá xxx

Warren Parkinson A very sad time for us all Rudolf but especially for you and her family. She was obviously much too good for this world. Now she can be one of God’s favored angels. Much love and prayers.

Azeen Tashakkor We’re so sorry to hear this Rudolf. May her soul progress in the Abha Kingdom forevermore. Prayers for her and for you. May Baha’u’llah gives you strength and patience.

Lynda Kitchingham Dear Rudolf. I am so sad for you that you have had to part from Mirjam. My love and tenderest thoughts will be with you as you try and come to terms with your devastating loss.Lynda

Gabriele Busmann Das ist so traurig- ich denke an Dich und bete für sie und dich!

Diana Moir I am so moved by this photo of beautiful Mirjam, Rudolf. Much love to you

Anja Striepke I am with the word “peaceful” XxX A candle is burning for her 

Cheri Anderson So very sorry to hear. Sending you prayers and light and lots of love. 

Tom Albrecht Mein Beileid Dir alter Freund Rudolf!

Tamika Gail Dwight-Scott Feeling for you with the death of such a beautiful soul and your soul mate. Sending love to you. Tam and Stu

Stan van Uden I’m so sad to hear your news Rudolf, sending you so much love.

Christopher Musgrave So much love around you Rudolf, and now Mirjam is all around us too… thank you for all that you gave me, together, and for being such wonderful role-models. Wishing you peace as you grieve and recover  and may you feel all our love surrounding you at this difficult time xx

Kathy L Gilbert Offering prayers for her journey. Aid and Assistance prayers for you dear Rudolf. I Arohanui 

Stan van Uden I’m so sorry to hear your news Rudolf, Sending you much love, Stan.

Benjamin Wolpert Dear Rudolf, I am thinking of you and Mirjam and sending you warm wishes on this journey.

Chantal Healy Dearest Rudolf Greg and I are very sorry to hear the news today… Cherish all the wonderful moments you have had together, they are precious memories.. We are thinking of you and if you need anything please do not hesitate. We are very much holding you in our prayers and your beloved Mirjam. With love from both of us.

Mari Trini Mitre Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
All such things is where her essence dwells.  Farewell beloved friend 

Matthias Öri

Sophie Owston Roberts I’m so sad rudolf for your loss. I feel blessed and fortunate to have had Mirjam share with me and so many of us her healing love and strength.😢❤️

Vahid Qualls Dear Rudolf. I am really sorry to hear of your loss. Please be assured of our love, thoughts and prayers.

Christina Burki My deep condolences to you Rudolf and I am sure Mirjam is now with you only invisible for you.I am sad with you and send my warm thoughts to you.

Tracy Adams Vale Mirjam, dear and most beautiful human being. Dear Rudolf, holding you in my heart, all my love 

Mareile Stoppel Dear Rudolf
So sad and unbelievable, feeling Mirjam strongly here in Purau as we have a candle lit for her for the last days. Many rainbows surrounded us lately like a joyful greeting from afar, yet so close to heart. Be embraced dear man and held in love
Mareile and Nirdosh

Kerrylea’nMichael Sampson Travel well Mirjam. Much love to you Rudolf x

Martin van Lubeck Lieve Rudolf,
My thoughts are with you, my dear friend.
Much love,

Annekatrien Verbraak I am so sad, for her, for you, for her daughter and family, friends and for myself. She had been such a huge part of my professional life, she knew so much about me, a part of me is going as well. Thinking of you, Rudolf, of life for you without that eternal smiling beauty….

Helen Scott Dear Rudolph We are so very sorry to hear your sad news about Mirjam. We send all our love. Thinking of you and Miriam.Arohanui. Helen and Manfred

Tiamara Williams Dear Rudolf, Sending so much love. I feel such sorrow. Mirjam was a true angel in my life….truly an angel. I have always felt that the universe gifted me with her presence as part of my life journey. I was given hard tasks, but gifted an angel to light my path and hold my hand. She was with me as a pillar of light for years and years and held space for me while I learnt some of the core and most difficult lessons this life has brought to me. She gave me love when I felt unlovable and never judged me. She acknowledged me and my greatness and thankfully we were able to share our deep appreciation for one another and gratitude for knowing one another. My love flows to you and to her in her passing. xxxxx Annekatrien Verbraak My condolences to you too, Tiamara. Beautiful words

Flavia Coleman I am saddened beyond words. May she rest in peace

Thomas Head My thoughts and love are with you at this painful time. so many mixed emotions to process and come to terms with. I send you both blessings, the earth bound and the homeward bound.

Janice Joyce My deepest condolences Rudolf, I can’t imagine the pain you must be feeling losing your beautiful Miriam, peace and love to you ❤️

Heidi Turner Beautiful Mirjam…so blessed to have spent time in your joyful loving gentle presence and to witness your love for each other.. deepest love for you Rudolf and family ❤

Danielle Kojic Such sad sad news. What a wonderful woman and together you were one of the most loving and inspirational couples I have had the pleasure of meeting. Much love to you Rudolf.

Rose Diamond Aah, Rudolf, sending much love to you in your grieving.

Peter Archer Dear Rudolf, I am so sorry to hear this sad sad news. I will be in touch, and if there is anything that I can do, you only have to ask. ♥️

Lynn Stevenson Rudolf, my hear felt condolences. Thinking of you.

Marlene Harrison You have our love and prayers dear friends. Marlene & Rex

Penny Brenton So sad for you Rudolph, I can only imagine your pain 🙏🏻

Steve Strang Rudolf so so sorry to hear my brother

Peter Archer Dear Rudolf, I am shocked at this sad sad news, and will be in touch shortly. You know that if there is anything I can do for you, you only have to ask.

Martin Lewis So sorry Rudolf Jarosewitsch

Tess Ward Sending love to you Rudolf. Mirjam was a beautiful soul and this must be a great loss to you. How synchronistic that she made the transition into the Light on the day of the total eclipse of the sun. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Clive Holgate Hi Rudolph thoughts of love ànd gentleness to you

Rebecca Lee Sending you much love Rudolf in your time of grieving. Mirjam’s beautiful Spirit will be soaring high no doubt – may you trust that she will never be too far away from you though xxx

Tanya Field Sending you my deepest love & prayers Rudolf. 💜👃

Herbie Mues Dear Rudolf
I’m so sorry to receive your news. I send you my heartful compassion and condolences. We will always remember Mirjams vitality, positivity und lebensbejahende Einstellung. So hard to believe! Send you lots of love Herbie and Maria

Carolyn Faye Fraser So sorry to hear this sad news Rudolf…sincere condolences.. Please feel free to ring anytime…if you so wish…I know you are surrounded by much loving support..and here finally is the quotation from Thich Nhat Hanh I promised some days ago:

Grace Dalley Oh Rudolf, I’m so sorry. I know your relationship was very powerful. Sending much love.  

Vinay Gunther Sending you love. Very very sad.

Carolyn Faye Fraser “The Art of Happiness is also the Art of Suffering Well. When we learn to acknowledge, embrace, and understand our suffering, we suffer much less :” (I will try to find the rest of this passage …it is very inspiring…Much love, Arohanui…Faye..and Family..

Holisticpulsingrocks Corinne Murray Sending love to you, kira and miriams sister thru your loss. Miriam was such a blessing in our lives and I understand that huge hole such a loved one leaves behind. At least we were blessed to have her in our lives for some time. May her gifts help you journey thru the grief of the loss of her physical presence. May her memory n spirit always be a joy to you all 🤔 xox

Carolyn Faye Fraser Sad to hear your news just now Rudolf. Sincere condolences and much love….I know you are surrouned by much loving suport up there …please feel free to ring anytime should you so wish. Here is a quote from Thich Nhat Hanh I promised…”The art of happiness is also the art of suffering well, When we learn to acknowledge, embrace, and understand our suffering, we suffer much less ” …I will try to find the rest of the text. ..i very inspiring… Arohanui, Peace…Faye and Family.

Alison Scott Loving you Rudolf. So sorry to hear this news. Much love to you Rudolf.

Monique Dobrzelak so sad to hear Rudolf. I am so sorry for your loss. I’ll chant A mi Tou Fo for her 💕

Jayashrii McFadgen Journey well beautiful

Matías Corbalán Big Big hug Rudolf! !

Kris Ericksen Big, big hugs to you ❤

Kovido Maddick Dear Rudolf, It is hard to believe. You and Mirjam are still in our hearts . Her vitality and compassion continue to emit from the beautiful picture you posted of her. Our love to you at this time Suraya and Kovido

Julia Guthrey Dear Rudolf,
Words cannot convey what a beautiful person Mirjam was. I’m so sad to know of her passing from this existence. She lives eternally in our hearts, her bright loving smile and strength will always remain as an inspiration to me. Go gentle. Warmest love,

Leslie Gold (Over the many oceans) I feel you and Mirjam have been my friends for many years…I am in disbelief that such a strong and loving light has travelled over to another realm. My heart and gentle embraces are with you Dear Rudi 🌟❤️🙏

Jennifer Teague I carry you both in my heart.

Rebecca Leaker She is/was such a unique warm hearted loveable soul. One of those people you meet and instantly feel a connection too and realise what a gem she is with her spirit sparkling in her eyes. So sorry your time together has been cut short Rudolf Jarosewitsch, what a beautiful woman to have shared your life with. Sending you lots of love and hugs and supportive space to allow whatever you need to be at this time xxxxx

Hilary Parker My love & thoughts to you at this sad time …

Claire Jobst Mein aufrichtiges Beileid Rudolf.

Yvette Audain More love and hugs! Still thinking of you all

Fiona Illingworth Such a sad time Rudolph, my thoughts are with you, and with Mirjam in her transition home. Arohanui 

Ian Gall A sad day to loose such a beautiful light …my love and goodness to you

Carrie Eames Thinking of you and Mirjam. Of the time when you guys were here, how she loved the beach and talking talking talking and how she had such a beautiful open spirit and heart. I’m so sorry for your loss. Also thinking of Mirjams daughter. ❤️

Grief struck!

Rudolf Jarosewitsch Beautiful Mirjam, the love of my life

Kaya Singer What a beautiful photo and such a wonderful life you two have had.

Jazelle Alderdice Yes she does look beautiful Rudolf! How blessed to have found each other all those years ago. Gently sitting with you, heart soft…

Katz Cowley Oh Rudolf she is so Beautiful inside and out

Cant imagine how your Heart must be feeling.
Like a cavernous void of grief and yet you will always be connected.

Erica Ruiter So beautiful

Aditya Malik lots of love, rudolf…so sorry! xxxxx

Mareile Stoppel What a beautiful gorgeous woman! Sending you so much love

Fina Bakani Fisher Awww Soo sorry for your loss…loving thoughts coming your way from all of us here at home… ♡♡♡

I have made death a messenger of joy to thee. Wherefore dost thou grieve? I made the light to shed on thee its splendor. Why dost thou veil thyself therefrom?


Ian Jones i do know why my friend, I do know

Jax Storey Dearest Rudolf, we’re here with you. I send you so much love! 🙏🏻💗

John Mander Tears and love

Lorina Harding I am so sorry for your loss, Rudolf. She was such a beautiful Soul.

Suzanne Tapper A beautiful woman inside and out. Big love to you Rudolph XXX

Lisa Tui Sending you lots of love ❤️

Anja Striepke Ich denke viel an euch und umarme euch inniglich ❤ ❤ ❤

RaeMarie Evans A very special soul, brought much happiness and wisdom to everyone xoo Hugs to you

Richard Bolstad Much love Rudolf.

Amrita Stiles I share your grief Rudolf. We are all one. We always have been and we always will be. All ways.💓

Kate Naitoro Thinking of you Rudolf, and praying. Much love.

Nickei Falconer Much love to you Rudolf and to your families ❤ xx

Violette Edwards Medina Sending our love and prayers ❤️

Chris Kavelin What heartbreak for you! It’s so hard to believe. I can see both your faces so clearly as if we last met yesterday. She was infused with kindness, compassion and encouragement. I remember her words very clearly because she spoke from a place of justice and vision. I’m so sorry for your loss Rudolf Jarosewitsch she was vividly alive, it’s so hard to believe.

Pascale Hennessey Sending love and prayers dear Rudolf xxx

Donald Pettitt 😥 and ♥️. Such a beautiful person. My heart goes out to you Rudolf.

Fiona Illingworth So sad….love from Seba and I ❤

John Dainty Love Rudolf

Katie Ayo With much love xxx

Babak Bahador In our thoughts and prayers.

Christina Fletcher Sending you much love and support at this time. ❤️

Karen Humpage Mark and I are holding you close in our hearts Rudolf. Sending you love, strength and healing spirits ♥ Beautiful Mirjam, fly free with love ♥

Zuleika Bowman I’m so sorry Rudolf xxxx

Liz Faid Mirjam was like an angel in this world. So gracious and light filled. Sending you love Rudolf and prayers for you both ❤

Wolfgang Fassbinder So sorry to hear Rudolf. My heart goes out to you. I wish you strength and love in this time of transition. Hugs 

Lucy Cabot-Saunders She is Very Beautiful Rudolf……am sending you both lots of love…..you are in my prayers and thoughts xo xo

Philip Jopson So sorry to hear this news Rudolf, we are thinking of you, Deborah and Phil x

Arielle Atman Sending so much love to you now dear Rudolf.

Olly Ohlson Our love and thoughts surround you Rudolf Jarosewitsch

Seba Illingworth My deepest Love to you brother

Peter Jackson Such a Lovely photo of a Lovely Person. Rudolf, Please accept our Heartfelt Sympathy and Condolences. I’m sure that she will be well received into The Heavenly Concourse. Much Love from Peter, Farideh & Nura

Nancy Rishworth Love and Prayers to you Rudolf

Llew Summers Very sorry to hear this Love

Pooneh Slamdien Sending you love and Prayers, Rudolf ❤️❤️

Dix Ozier Beautiful Mirjam. Thank you for all the wonderful love and inspiration

Roger Harwood So sad!
Kia kaha brother….o

Dix Ozier Celebrating now her amazing journey and your everlasting connection in each breath

Harold Kho Our deepest condolences.

Anwar Jahan So sorry to hear that your dear wife has winged her flight to the Realms beyond.
May God give you the strength to bear this physical loss

Astrid Melchers I’m so sorry Rudolf. She was such a beautiful person, so wonderful to talk to, and both of you made me feel so welcome in your home. I’ve been cherishing that memory and will continue to do so. Sending you love and strength.

Warren Parkinson In the arms of the angels.

Cheri Anderson So very beautiful, Rudolf. Sending a tender hug. 

Mari Trini Mitre Dearest Rudolf, sending comforting love and blessings for your kind kind heart. 

Urja Refalo So sorry to hear this sad news. My deepest condolences

Bele Malik Very sorry to hear, Rudolf. May you find some light in dark empty times 😦

Tess Ward Sending love to you Rudolf. Such a time of grief and loss for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Mirjam’s family.

Alison Scott So sad

Fariba Riazati Oh dear Rudolf and the family. My heart dropped when i saw the message on facebook. Words are inadequate to express my condolence but we get comforted by the precious Words of God that she has abandoned this mortal life nad has winged her flight and soaring the Kingdom above. You all will be in my prayers.

Ly Nguyenduong I’m so sorry to hear this. 😟.

Janice Cantieri So sorry for your loss Rudolf!!! Hugs from america

Caroline Moosavi Dear Rudolf, I have no words to express how I feel after reading this news, I wish I could take part of your pain, I love you both very much and I know that she is watching us from the Abha Kingdom, assisting us in our endeavors to help build this spiritual civilization, I can feel her close to me, please be patient because God will help you and He is accompanying you at all times, we all are…much love dear brother.

Jen Raquel Newick Deepest love to you Rudof. Your beautiful Mirjam is at your side and always will be in our hearts. Condolences dear friend.

Evelyn Strecker I feel you Rudolf… warm hugs ❤

Kevin Mezzone Feeling for you mate, knowing the two of you for 1 weekend, the love you both shared was magical

Steffen Lindner lieber Rudolf, es tut mir so unendlich leid. Wo immer Miriam ist nun, sie wird es gut haben, weil Sie eine so wunderbare und einfühlsame Person war. Ich sende dir aus Deutschland mein zutiefst empfundenes Beileid. Ich bete für euch beide. Fühle meine zärtliche und anteilnehmende Umarmung, mein Freund!

Lynda Kitchingham Arms around you.

Jane Forsyth shared her photo

R.I.P Mirjam you brought so much joy laughter and love into others life’s .prayers for Rudolf and Family at this very sad time . Two amazing people.😢

Wilhelmina Flick: Oh Rudolph. I am so very sorry to hear that. you must be heartbroken. Thinking of you. Om mani pad me hung. Xxx

Vic Lai: Rudolf. My brother, my fiancee and I are very very sad to learn that Myriam has gone to the spiritual world. All our sympathy to you and your families. Stay strong! Life continues…

Ursula Kemper: Lieber Rudolf, die Nachricht hat mich sehr betroffen gemacht. Ich bin in Gedanken bei dir und wünsche dir von Herzen, dass du von dem Schmerz heilen kannst, auch durch die weiter fließende Verbindung zu Mirjam. Lass dich umarmen, Ursel



Du standest im Leben
Mit einem Seelengehalt,
Der wärmend und leuchtend
Die andern Seelen ergriff.

Dir strahlte die Freude,
Wenn Freuden Du konntest
Erwecken in andern,
Die freudlos Dir nahten.

Die sorgenden Herzen,
Die zogest Du zu Dir,
Und ihre Sorge zu lindern
Dir ward es zur Sorge.

Du ruhtest fest in Dir
Und konntest festigen,
Die Lebensschutz und Stütze
Bei Dir suchen wollten.

Wer Dir entgegentrat,
Ihm mußte Deines Wesens Schlichtheit
Im Innersten der Seele
Des Menschen Wert verkünden.

Was Du sprachest,
War so sonnenhaft,
Weil Du in Helle
Des sonnigen Herzen lebtest



Loving-Kindness and Forgiveness

One of the most uplifting events of the last 5 months since Mirjam’s passing was the participation in a Metta/Loving Kindness retreat I attended at Te Moata. (temoata.org)

(See also: https://tricycle.org/magazine/metta-practice/ on Metta meditation)

The task of this silent 9 day retreat with Sister Veranani from Mnyanmar was to gradually develop an inclination of loving-kindness towards all beings.

We were invited to start with who it was easiest to feel loving kindness towards. Usually, one starts with oneself: “May I be well, happy and peaceful”, to wish this for myself. When I can feel this, I then extend this wish to people I respect and admire, like a spiritual teacher.

Next are people we love — our partners, dearest friends — who we visualise one by one as the recipient of our well wishes. This is then followed by neutral people, like those people who happen to live in the same neighbourhood, people who happen to sit the same retreat, our acquaintances.

The next stage is considered the hardest one, as we turn our attention to people who have harmed us — our enemies, so to speak — or someone we have difficulties with. Once this is achieved, we can include all beings and wish them well. May all be well, happy and peaceful.

You could just say it without meaning it, but it works only when you can feel it in your heart. And this takes time, feeling inward and sensing your heart. Doing a silent retreat for 9 days allows for this time. Visualising each person in front of me, connecting with my heart, I repeat this phrase over and over again, until I can feel it, and it becomes an experience, not just words.

What I found interesting was the fact that it was not easy for me to even start with myself. I had too many unexpressed feelings. In the silence of the retreat, there were many opportunities to go over and over my last weeks and months with my beloved. I tortured myself with thoughts of what I should or could have done differently, how it should or could have been. It is a form of craziness, I know that, since it takes me out of my reality and enters a mere hypothetical construct devoid of any reality. Knowing this didn’t change this form of self-torture.

Especially at night, I would keep myself awake going over old ground, over and over again. When I shared this in an interview with Sister Veranani, she gave me a useful advice that worked:

“Imagine you are sitting in a railway station, and the thoughts are like trains that come and go. You do not need to jump on any of these trains. Just observe.”

Eventually I recognized that going back into the past was simply an expression of the denial phase in a grieving process. It was a way of not wanting to face the truth that Mirjam had died.

As Byron Katie said in Loving What Is, “When I argue with reality, I lose—but only 100% of the time.”

Honouring my limitations, my humanness, it became easier to develop loving kindness towards myself, to forgive myself and to trust that I did what I knew was the best at the time. I surrendered to reality — to what is and what was.

It was easy to extend my well wishes to people I respect, to dear friends and to the ones I felt neutral towards. The next obstacle was to extend loving kindness to people who I had felt hurt by.

In stressful times, like when a close person is in a state of dying, it brings out the best or the worst in people. Instead of being there for one another and offering support, some people around me at the time added to the stress I was feeling. What was missing was respect for me and my vulnerability. Their insensitivity made a very difficult situation sheer unbearable for me.

I was concerned about the rising stress level that must have been painful to my dying beloved, and chose to pull back. One of the last things that Mirjam asked of me was not to talk badly about other people, to not backbite. She must have been aware of my predicament.

I tried my hardest, yet the feelings of grief combined with anger about injustices that I perceived led me to express my struggles to poor friends who eventually got tired of my ranting and raving. I had such a built-up reservoir of emotions. By now, I have compassion for myself and understand that this, too, was part of my grieving process — the anger phase.

Yet, the most important lesson that I learned was not to confuse loving-kindness with pleasing. It is wonderful to develop loving-kindness for all beings. This is a way to open my heart. In the end, the benefits are mostly for me, whereas holding on to grudges only hurts me.

In the past, I had believed to be kind meant to be pleasing at all times to people, a mode that I had been conditioned in. Real kindness, however, comes from a place of strength, a place of feeling your soft, gentle power. Pleasing behaviour on the other hand is based on weakness. It is a form of manipulating people to like me. It comes from a place of insufficient self-love. As a pleaser I might seem kind to others, yet I am not kind to myself. Authentic kindness needs to come from within, from a place of abundance, of overflowing love.

Now I know that I can be kind and the well-wisher of all beings and have clear boundaries. No longer do I need to do it right by other people’s expectations. When I love myself, I feel sure in myself and no longer need to try to get from others what I refuse to give to myself.

Loving-kindness is powerless if it does not include me.

It was not easy to accept that Mirjam had gone for good. What made it harder still was that it brought up similar feelings of being lost, that I had experienced when both my parents died when I was only 16. A dear friend and healer mirrored this back to me, and helped me to forgive myself and to forgive others who were also stressed, leading me to finally accept the new situation in my life.

The powers of loving- kindness and forgiveness made it possible for me to regain a sense of reality and to begin moving on. Meanwhile, I keep creating a garden in memory of my beloved and talk to her in the spirit world. Occasionally, I get a reply from her, as I increase my intuition and notice signs.

“The spirit world is the real world. What we experience here is a mere shadow of reality. There are games that people play, ultimately it is not real.” An intuitive friend received this message from her grandmother after she had passed.

This message has given me a strong sense of relief. We can take little things so seriously and get bogged down in rigid thoughts that then become our reality. In the face of death everything else seems so insignificant. If the real world is ahead of me, I best prepare for it now by developing heart qualities, virtues that I can take with me to the spirit world. Honesty and truthfulness is asked for, as well as kindness and forgiveness.

My life is not complete yet. There is still a task in front of me. It will unfold in time, as I stay soft and gentle in accepting what is, inside of me and around me. I choose clarity over confusion, to see the obvious over wishful and self-deceptive thinking. And overall I trust in being guided and held in the divine.

Rudolf Jarosewitsch


Life Change

The following are my facebook entries over the period of Mirjam’s death and the following weeks

What makes this time a hard time is that my beloved wife, Mirjam, is very ill at the moment. Her breast cancer that was diagnosed in September last year has now spread into her spine, liver and lungs. The decline happened very fast, despite black salve and vitamin C treatment. She has taken a big array of supplements and been to see an integrative doctor, osteopath, homeopath, naturopath, etc. In the same way, as it can move down in one way, it can also go up. That’s where our focus is at the moment, to find a way of turning it around. Please send us your prayers, good energies and supportive ideas. We need a miracle. Please help. 6 August

Thank you all for your loving thoughts and suggestions. It is not an easy time here in our hidden valley. Mirjam’s sister Anne is here and her daughter Kira. It would be too hard for me to care for her on my own, although there is some help from the district nurse and our doctor.
What is the learning for me? Soul development?
Accepting what is is not easy. Wanting to change it feels at times desperate. Even though, we are considering any option and still open for a miracle to happen.
A week ago, when I drove to pick up Kira, I saw a bright shooting star, an opportunity for a wish.
“I connect with the Creator, the source of all healing. I am ready to make the changes in my life that will allow me to accept my best possible healing outcome. I consciously remove any negative or fearful thought patterns or memories. I enable my imagination to activate to see myself as fully healed, at peace and emotionally secure. This is healing to the Creator’s standard now available for me and I feel the stirring of gratitude already active.” (Ken.healer) 13 August

These are very stressful times. Currently, I have some time out, staying at my friend’s in Thames, while Mirjam is well looked after by her sister Anne and daughter Kira. Please keep praying for us. It is a miracle that we need. 16 August

Mirjam is in Waikato hospital, where she can get the best conventional medical attention in our area.
Grief hits me, especially in small seemingly insignificant situations, like when I sit on the deck with my breakfast and remember all the times we did it together, or when I go for a walk where we used to walk together.
Please don’t take those situations for granted. Appreciate also the small, seemingly insignificant things and each other while you live and are healthy. 17 August

Grief struck!

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, tree, hat, outdoor and closeup

Beloved Mirjam has peacefully passed into the spiritual world, today 22 August at 11am.

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, closeup

Thank you to all of you who have donated so kindly and generously for Mirjam’s Cure. Now, the treatment overseas that she wanted to pursue is no longer an option. Please indicate to me what you would like me to do with the money. 24 August

Just returned home from Hamilton with my beloved Mirjam’s remains in a small box. It still feels unreal, and my tears stream as I urge her to show up. Mirjam, where are you? I miss your cheeky smile, your quiet presence, your wisdom and beingness. It is slowly sinking in that you have moved on, especially after seeing your cold body.
Thanks to Sim and to Nadine for organising 2 services, one in Hamilton and one in Christchurch, and thanks to Kira for organising the artistic activity that your mother wanted.
And thanks to all of you for your comments.
Thanks to Eileen and to Jax for the photos.

The last photo of Mirjam and myself, 31 March 2017. 26 August 2017

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By Bishop Brent 1862-1929
(Bishop of the Philippines)

I am standing on the sea shore,
A ship at my side spreads her white
sails to the morning breeze and
starts for the blue ocean,
She is an object of beauty
and I stand and watch her
until at last she fades
on the horizon,

Then someone at my side says
“There, she has gone”
Gone where?
Gone from my sight – that is all,

She is just as large in the mast,
hull and spars as she was
when she left my side …
the diminished size and total loss
of sight is in me and not in her,
And just at that moment when
someone by my side says
“She’s gone”,
others take up the glad shout –

“There she comes.”

Image may contain: 1 person, standing and indoor

This is one of the last pictures of my beloved Mirjam. It was taken near Cathedral Cove at the end of March by Cynthia Shakti. 28 August

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, sitting, sky, mountain, outdoor, nature and water

My heart goes out to all the men who have lost the love of their life, who grieve for their closest friend and companion, for their wife and their lover. It is very tough, and probably the deepest stress imaginable. Words can’t describe the agony and pain. 2 September

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I never knew that grieving could hurt so much. I feel a dull pressure in my chest. “Mirjam, my love, I miss you so much!” 10 September

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Mirjam Busch-Jarosewitsch Commemorate and Celebrate her Life 1 October 11-2pm

40 days after her passing, friends will meet at our home, pray, sing and share tributes and memories of this most extraordinary woman, followed by a shared meal.

Waiora Healing Waters 26 September

Thank you so much for sharing this commemoration of my wife, very much loved Mirjam. About 40 were there in person and many more in spirit. Thank you for your comments and for sending your love. Thank you also to the Vitues Group that met at the same time in Diamond Harbour and offered their own ritual. 2 October

In times of strong inner conflict and pain where we feel very irritated and disconnected from others, prayer can be a very powerful way to bring us back into relationship with a safe source to share our pain and questions and ask for guidance and support. (Mirjam Busch-Jarosewitsch, journal entry) 3 October

Image may contain: 2 people, people smiling, people sitting, outdoor and closeup

This is a more recent photo of us both that I found on Mirjam’s iPhone. It was made 3 months before she died, which today has been 12 weeks. “I miss you very much, my love. Your physical presence. And all the simple joys that we could share with each other.”  14 November

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, hat, closeup and outdoor

How lucky am I? Living with the soothing sound of the Manaia Stream, surrounded by bush. 24 November

Today, it has been 100 days since my beloved wife, Mirjam, has passed over into the spirit realm. In many traditions, this signifies the end of the mourning period.
The agonizing pain slowly gets less, yet the feelings of loss and grief will most likely stay with me for longer.
I am building a memorial garden in honour of Mirjam.
“There is always a place in my heart for you, Mirjam. May you be well, wherever you are.” 30 November

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Mirjam’s Memorial Garden is taking on shape, with Mirjam’s last artwork in the centre of it. 17 December

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Mirjam’s Memorial Garden 26 December

Feeling appreciation for the place I live. Thank you Mark, for making the stream more accessible: Sitting Rock, River Spa and Nikau Pool.

Thank you, Mirjam for giving me heart-shaped rocks for your memorial garden. 13 January 2018

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